A Non-Traditional Poem & I’m Back?


Hey everyone! February was a difficult month for me health wise, but I’m here and better than ever. I wanted to make my first post back a good one. I have been inspired to start writing again – love does this to you I guess – but not just any type of love. Unconditional love. When you know you are just so fucking happy. Finally.

So here is a poem that I wrote for my love. I will be updating you guys with upcoming videos and exciting things, I hope you all had an amazing February, 16 days until Spring everyone!

Love Is…
A Non-Traditional Poem by Ashley Markham

For Marcel,

Love is when you feel safe and calm because you know the other person would never cause you any harm.

Love is waking up in the morning and soaking in the last five minutes of cuddles and warmth before you drag yourself up and start the day.

Love is being saved, and never having to be lost again. To find yourself in another. To be whole.

Love is giving yourself to someone. To cherish and care for. Giving yourself to someone. To be nurtured, and to grow. Together.

Love is the feeling of pure bliss, when I look you in the eye and you’re still all I miss.

Please give any feedback on this poem, any and all will be graciously accepted.

Thanks for reading, see you in my next post!


WTF is B.U.WHY? 


I’ve always wanted to do a random series on YouTube, just little episodes building or playing around with mundane things. Whilst wondering around the dollar store yesterday, I originally was looking for small jelly toys to cut open. Kids eat that shit up. Anyways, on the very bottom shelf of the childrens toy section, I saw these little bags with interesting looking vehicles on them. They felt very heavy to the touch, almost like a steel or metal. I was sold, these were going to start the series!

Upon bringing these home, the main focus was coming up with a name for my little “show” . I didn’t want anything generic or anything that was already taken, however I really liked the name “Worth It?”. Damn you BuzzFeed! Since this particular upload goes up on Sundays, we thought of Sunday Funday, one of the ideas was Building With Ash… I went back to the drawing board and just browsed my YouTube homepage for ideas.

A notification from Pinterest popped up in my notifications, it said “New D.I.Y Ideas For You…” and it clicked. D.I.Y… something that can be condensed into an acronym! I buy these items to build, use them to see what they are, and ask myself why did I buy these? Build it, Use it, Why did I do this?  When I pitched this idea to the boys, it was an immediate yes! It just sounds good when you say it! B.U.WHY?

In this video, the two little items I purchased essentially ended up being model go-karts. These are definitely good for the little engineer in you. I’m 23 years old and found great enjoyment building these. They end up looking just like the video, but the instructions are good for nothing. Also, if you have sausage fingers, like me, it’s just a little bit more of an added challenge. 😉

I’m going to link the video here CLICK ME because I’ve added a giveaway to the video. To enter the giveaway, all you have to do is be subscribed to me and leave a comment on that particular video of your favorite emoji. {EXAMPLE: 👽} I will pick a winer by Friday January 20, 2017 @8pm. Giveaway is open anywhere, as long as you follow the rules accordingly. Good luck!

Thanks for reading, thanks for watching – a new episode of B.U.WHY? is out every Sunday! As well as my Tuesday & Friday videos! Like & subscribe and tell me what you think!

this is my instagram


Happy New Year – Love Yourself!


Happy 2017 everyone! It has been quite a while since I sat down to write a blog, but here I am. New year, new me. *chokes and cringes*
This Christmas I honestly made out like a bandit, however for New Years I was sicker than ever, and am still feeling the effects of that.
Just writing here to share the first video that I’ve made since December 20th! In this video you can see everything that happened from Christmas Eve until New Years Day, also you can hear about any and all updates coming for the new year.
This week coming up marks the first week of my permanent upload schedule. You can look forward to hearing some really embarassing stories, seeing my any and all beauty and lifestyle videos, and celebrating my health journey with me! As well as getting to know me along the way.
I am more than excited to be sharing my life with all of you, I’ve always been so shy and timid and this year I AM BREAKING OUT OF MY SHELL.
So, thank you everyone for your support, and leave a like & comment if you enjoyed the video. Happy New Year, AND LOVE YOURSELF.



also, my Snapchat is deadgrl_666

Merry Christmas, Happy Non-Denominational Holiday & Happy New Year!

I’m Getting My Cannibis Card!


This isnt the ideal post I wanted to share this early in the blog but I am so unbelieveably happy, greatful and relieved that this is finally happening.

For anyone who doesn’t know me personally here’s a little back story on why this is so important to me. Eventually I’ll go into more detail about this but I just want to focus on the positives right now.

About 3 years ago I started smoking marijuana with my ex boyfriend, just socially nothing serious. Sometimes a joint here or there with my parents, but I was never in my life dependant.

At the 3 year mark of my relationship, things took a turn for the worst, and we started abusing recreational and prescription drugs. The main one was Fentynal patches. When you abuse opiates like this, you lose your appetite for days at a time. Not only wasn’t I eating (for 3 days to a week sometimes), but one time while I was pretty messed up, my pizza grew a face and started attacking me. Not really though, you know?

After this, I found out that I had thyroid cancer. Now, when you look at the labels on Fentynal patches it tells you that if you have a thyroid problem of any sort not to use them. Not only was I using them, but I was smoking them. How fucking stupid of me?

So after going through 2 surgeries, one round of radiation and a partial eating disorder, my body is pretty messed up.

I still wont eat for 2 or 3 days at a time however it is crucial to eat while taking certain medications. I am nauseated 70% of the day, everyday, and eating around people gives me extreme anxiety.

So, after 2 years of suffering, honest suffering, mentally and physically. Struggling with myself. My brain constantly pulled in different directions. I can put it all to rest. I will no longer be anxious around food.

As of January 9th 2016 I will be a liscenced medical marijuana card holder in the province of Ontario. I am so proud that I am alive, I have made it through 2 of the worst things a person could deal with, back to back. But I persevered. 

Now it’s my turn to be an educator. To teach and listen to people who are struggling. To just give a helping hand to someone who is at their lowest of lows. 

For the first time in my life I am living.

Thank you for reading, if you would like to keep in contact with me more my links are here below;

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image: http://weheartit.com/entry/271244143/search?context_type=search&context_user=the_dancer_on_ur_grave&query=marijuana